I grew up in knowing God, going to church, attending Christian school, and eventually becoming a vocational minister.
My dad had porn in the house.
How can I be so full of the Holy Spirit and Power while remaining broken and lost sometimes in my soul?
I was always taught to "deny myself" (Matthew 16, 24-25), and "die to myself" and "flee youthful lusts" (II Timothy 2:22).
I learned that there is no good thing in me (Romans 7:18).
I am contaminated by a sinful nature.
Biblical Truths.
But somehow this all translated into my head and heart as "my wants, desires, and needs are inherently evil."
Somehow I believed that putting to death the deeds of the flesh meant denying the reality of the way God Himself designed me: with wants, needs and desires that are from Him!
Surrendering myself to God and "dying to self" is not an exercise of my power and will to deprive myself of the things that I naturally want, desire, and even need.
Rather, I surrender to God by bringing my wants, desires, and needs to Him to sort them out: to meet them, heal them, refocus them, or in some cases to go without them - trusting His process and plan.
I am finally starting to understand and believe on a heart level that my wants, desires, and needs are not inherently evil or sinful.
They may have been contaminated, corrupted, broken, or damaged by sin and a fallen world; but at their core they are there by God's design and are actually gifts from Him.
I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14) - including my natural and God given wants, desires, and needs.